S o r r y.I'm sorry I'm randomI'm sorry I'm oddI'm sorry I'm weirdI'm sorry I'm strangeI'm sorry I'm differentI'm sorry I'm me.
R e p e a t.I'm the type of girlWho has to sing the song whenI read the lyrics.
p i e c e si. melted snow doesn't stick to the pavementso he left when he had the chancewith another woman around his waistand a one-story home with a fireplaceii. spring flowers wilt in the coldso i stayed the months insidemy feet grew chilled, and my eyelids heavyas i wished the schooldays awayiii. school-bells ring once on the mid day of juneso they ran as quickly as they couldi spent my days buried in smilesall plastic and full of liesiv. autumn leaves only fall when deadso she lifted herself up to standmy heart began to rebuild itself slowlyand a soft voice begged me to stayv. faded memories spread themselves farso i spent the seasons alonesummer and winter, autumn and springand they're always the same thing.
Dear Simon, Can You Hear Me?Dear Simon, How have you been? I wish you were still here. I miss you dearly, we all do. Mama, papa, and little Lily. She wakes up crying every night, more than usual. Mama tries to calm her down but she keeps crying and crying. Her cries have been getting louder every month since you left. I bet she thinks that if she cries louder, you will be able to hear her. That you will worry and come home. Mama sent me to my room when I asked you why you left. Why?! I'm six, I can learn now! When I flung myself on my bed, I could hear mama's sobs and moans coming from downstairs. Why was she crying? Was it because she looked at your old journals? Your clothes and tools? The next day when I asked her again, she told me that you left because cancer took you away. I don't know who cancer is but I promised you will escape from its grasps, I promised. Until I told daddy this. He said that you can't return from brain cancer. Brain, what a funny first name. Though, daddy says th
a half-remembered dreami.i was invited to her homewhere she served me peppermint teaand veggie pizza"my pleasure" she sangii.the market was blue and greenpainted in her dreamsshe danced from stall to stallcarefully paying the right amountiii.she glided and sangand swept the sorrow away with a smileher angelic wings were colored goldfrom a run-in with Godiv.we were covered in flowers and starsshe pointed at a bear, and i showed her a cubbells echoed from our throatsas the night sky bid us farewellv p1.the sun radiated sorrowas my thumb hugged hers"goodbye" they whisperedv p2.the stone felt roughunder my protected feeti turned to see her dance off, her hair waving at mei waved backvi.my home was emptyexcept for a sense of dreadand that was when i saw herwe sang and hugged thumbs"hello" they whispered
H u mShe listens to music at 2amDroning on and onAs the radio plays her favorite songAnd she wants to get up and danceBut her parents slumber onSo she lays in bed quietlyAnd composes the songs with her feetHumming with her mouth clamped shutFor she is obsessed with the songsThat pour her heart out for her
The girl with the rope colored hairThere once was a girlWith rope colored hairWhich she kept in a loose bunSo she could dream without distractionShe chewed cinnamon gumOn her way home from schoolOnly on Mondays and FridaysFor ten dimes a packShe sat alone in the front during mathWhere she wrote furiouslyAbout her life beyond lifeAnd drowned out the lessons liesWhen people asked herAbout her feelings and fearsShe'd whisper "i'm fine"And walk awayHer eyes homed stormsThat raged when she screamedAnd softened when she criedThey had silver trimmingWhile she walks home on the coldHer rope colored hair flies in her faceAnd as it begins to sprinkleShe smiles at the skyAnd feels the angels tears
Greatest EnemyHave you ever yelled at yourself in the silver glass?Did you ever wish this moment was your very last?My smile is so deceptive.Laugh when I don't want to live.Can't deal with it.Feels like I'm just an idiot.Seems like my greatest enemy,Happens to be me.I hate myself.Wish I was someone else.I loathe living inside this skin.Can't escape the trap I fell in.The darkness cloys at my throat.As my dreams become remote.Sometimes all I can do is cry.How did my world go awry? Can't deal with it.Feels like I'm just an idiot.Seems like my greatest enemy,Happens to be me.I hate myself.Wish I was someone else.I loathe living inside this skin.Can't escape the trap I fell in.I dance in a dress grey as ashes.Pretend to be perfect for the masses.When on the inside I'm just waiting until,Sweet pain can be my fill.Can't deal with it.Feels like I'm just an idiot.Seems like my greatest enemy,Happens to be me.I hate myself.Wish I was someone else.I loat
If only...If only you knew my life.If only you knew what goes on at home.If only you were nice.If only my parents treated me kind.It's all just If only.If only I didn't have bruises.If only those stairs were not in the way.If only the belt didn't happen.If only life was bearable.It's all just If only.If only my parents didn't beat me.If only I wasn't bullied.If only I wasn't fucked up.If only I wanted to live.It's all still If only.
Like WaterIf you want to live you have to breathe.Your feelings are like water, dont let yourself drown.I want to believe butmy thoughts make me bleedMy thoughts ran down my facelike waterI was daydreamingI let myself drownIn my feelings like water.
Silent Confessions"Love me," I whisper in his ear, he shifts slightly in his sleep and a sudden stab of guilt hits my heart like a knife. I stand slowly, I shouldn't be here but this is the only place I want to be. A small smile appears on his face and I smile back."Cas
" He whispers and I briefly wonder if I've woken him. But soon enough he rolls over and sighs gently. Carefully I reach out and stroke his hair."I am here
" My breath brushes over his ear as I lean down to kiss his cheek. His cheek is rough with stubble but so very warm. I want to climb in beside him and absorb his heat, feel his heart beating strongly in his chest and hear his soul singing peacefully. So much about him calls me in yet I am not allowed to answer the call."Good night Dean, sleep well dear one." I mutter before rising and disappearing from the room. There is another call I must answer and this one once again takes me away from you.Dean's eyes flickered open and he jerked himself upright in bed. Someone had be
The HaircutAlec walked down the street, hands stuffed into oversized pockets, boots clacking against the sidewalk. He walked swiftly and without hesitation, never straying from his path. Today was an important day for him after all. The roads narrowed and the streetlights became further and further apart. Yet still he kept walking. Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching behind him. He tensed, shoulder muscles bunching in preparation for an attack. His hand went to the dagger he kept in his belt, and he swallowed almost imperceptibly. He felt a hand touch his shoulder and he whipped around, dagger at the ready. A shock of sparkles stopped him from striking a killing blow."Magnus! What-what are you doing here?" Alec asked, dumbfounded. Magnus raised one black eyebrow, looking at the dagger Alec held poised in his hand. Following his gaze, the Shadowhunter hurriedly stuffed the blade back under his jacket."Well, I was just walking to my favorite pastry store to grab a baguette when I saw a hands
Darling (malec oneshot)"Magnus?""Hmm?"Alec leaned his head farther back into Magnus' shoulder, playing idly with the warlock's fingers that were splayed across his stomach. They were lying on the couch, the color of which Magnus had changed to an inky blue since Alec loathed pink.Magnus was half-propped up against the armrest with Alec lying between his legs, the Shadowhunter's head and shoulders on Magnus' broad chest. His heartbeat, markedly slower than a human's, thudded gently beneath Alec's ear."Where is your accent from?"Magnus paused for long enough that Alec craned his neck to look up at him. Magnus wore a bemused expression, his eyes twinkling."What accent?"Alec felt his cheeks start to turn pink. "You know
your accent. It's not heavy, it's like
just barely there
it's there.""Hmm." Magnus reached a lanky arm up to stroke his chin. "It's probably remnants of Dutch.""Dutch? But you're
ish."Magnus laughed out loud at this and brushed his thumb acros
Distant Memories Of A Love Done Gone .They say it's difficult to love someoneWhen you can't even love yourself.But I loved you nonetheless,The problem was I didn't know when to stop.You kept sending me mixed signsMaking me dizzy until ICouldn't knowLeft rightMuch less rightFrom wrong.When our world started crumbling down andT e a r i n g at the seamsIt was so easy for you to let it fall apart.But I, knowing no other kind of love,desperately clung to the remaining bits,Trying to put them back together.Yet the pieces changed too much, too quickly,They kept growing andgrowing a p a r t,until your world was only yoursand mine a hollow echo of its past.Looking back now, it seems like itAll happened in a different life,With some other you, some other me,And the lips kissing my own were just a dream.
PatienceI wonder if you knowjust how long I have waitedfor you to love me.
Grandma 2For my grandmother"I love you to the moon and back"---------------Tears are falling,Hearts are aching,Cries echo around the ICU.Eyes are red,Hands are shakingYet there's nothing I can do about it.There she lies with all her pain.But I just watch and stare at her.Useless, I'm completely uselessYet she struggles to carry her burden alone.If only I could help I would.She doesn't speak anymore.She barely even moves.Her eyes are always closedAs if she's in a comma.I miss her yelling at me...Even though it hurts.But nothing is more painful than seeing her suffer.She's already been through a lot.She doesn't need more pain. ~M.E.B.~ 12-04-12
If I blinkA blink ago I was sitting on the playgroundMy sunny red hair pulled into two little pigtailsWith the ribbons I had begged my mother to tie into my hairBecause I didn't know how to tie a bow yetA blink ago I was hiding behind my mother's legMy first time experiencing something newA brand new world, a school of new peopleBut it was then, when I peeked around her kneeWhen my big brown eyes caught sight of my first loveA blink ago I was on the playground againWhen my first love told me that he liked meI ran away screaming "Gross!"Because I still believed boys had cootiesA blink ago
he held my hand for the first timeAnd a blink later
he kissed me cheekA blink ago I was in a hallwayTrying not to be trampled by the giants around meSuddenly aware I was nothing but a speckAware that everyone wasn't each other's best friendA blink ago I walked the hall with my first boyfriendFollowed by the curses of the witches and dragons behind usGripping to that
Unconditional loveWill you love me when I no longer have arms to cradle you in?Or when I no longer have lips to kiss you?When my heart stops beating and my lungs begin to emptyWill you shed a tear for me?Will you love me when I no longer have eyes to see you with?Or when I no longer have ears to hear you cry?When my mouth refuses to utter as single word, and I can't say I love youWill you still know that I do?Will you love me on the rainy day when I rest in peace?Or in the proceeding future where I am no longer there?Will you move on and find someone else to love?Will you know that I am content with that?
HateI hate youbecause I love youI hate youbecause you were my friendI hate youbecause I trusted youI hate youbecause you leftI hate myselfFor letting you go
Not AnymoreYou.I love you.I love you with all my heart and soul.I love you, but you don't love me.Not anymore.Us.It used to be us.The two of us in sync through heart and mind.It used to be us, loving each other.Not anymore.Seconds.Every second of every day I remember you.I see you in my memories and dreams.Every second I remember what we used to be, and what we are no longer.Not anymore.Days.Each day I wake up and for a moment still forget you're gone.I think about all we did, and how great it felt.Each day I had been with you was real.Not anymore.Wrong.I was wrong to go so fast.I forgot who I was, and I left you at a time I needed to be near you more than ever.I was wrong to let you slip through my fingers.But you're not. Not anymore.Gone.You're gone like a leaf on the wind.If I hadn't been so stupid maybe you would still be here.But you'll never be here.You'll never come back.You'll never love me again.Not anymore.
Where art thou? I couldn't help it. No longer could I squeeze my throat tighter, I already couldn't breathe. No longer could I blink carefully as I tried to save my mascara. It was no use. The pools brimming on my bottom lids became too much. That was when I broke. That was when every person in the classroom turned their head from the chalkboard to look at the origin of the strange, fetal sound that that had escaped my lips. It was too much. This was one of those moments when the teacher gave you a slight nod, and you knew you had permission to walk out of the room to save some shred of your dignity. I wasted no time. I got up and weaved through the accusing faces, looking for the quickest route to the door. I tried to remain calm and hold my breath to prevent the sobs that would soon break. But when I sa
FallingIn the middle of my rib-cagemy heart was floating.Swaying in the air.Drifting like a migrating birdseeking warmth.A river of butterflies;tumbling and skippingon their fluttering wings.Simply from the unwavering eyeswatching me shamelessly.Mirrored pools of brown.I attempted to send back a smile;my heart tried not to crumblelike a freshly baked cookie.And in a moment it was over.The only sound a thumping heartand a soaring soul.Yet I knew that everybody could hearthe gentle whisper of flapping butterfly wings.HummingSkippingFalling
Memories of the PastMemories of the PastDo you remember the blue summer sky?Free of clouds and full of dreamsOur lives were so wonderfulAll day long together with friends free of all worriesDo you remember the bikes that we used to ride?I remember riding till the very end of the sunlightAll those times we fall and then got back up againI remember all of it all the fun that was to be togetherDo you remember the nights?Nights full of games of hide and seekAnd the fireflies were the only thing that shined in the darkAlso the sound of the crickets that echoes till the dawnI remember all of that with sorrow in my heartThe way we were young and carefreeAll of those memories now rest in our heads or in picturesBut I shall never forget about themNor will you forget about our time of joyYou remember it right?The time when we were kids of the provinceWhen we didn't have all those shiny technologyWhen we used sticks as a sort of funAnd to tell you the truth it was more fun back then than nowEv
Ticklish LipsI was drenched to the bone and it was freezing outside, yet I didn't care. When he was there I felt warmth straight to my soul.He stood before me, unfairly dry compared to me. He was shirtless and was only wearing his swim trunks. It was hard for me not to stare. In front of him was the nozzle to the hose, which he pointed at me threateningly like it was a gun. A smirk was on his face; he knew my weak spot.Before I had time to prepare, his finger twitched on the jet and a shower of water sprayed directly on my lips. I leaped a mile into the air, covering my lips as quickly as possible. He knew my lips were dreadfully ticklish. I could barely stand having water sprayed on them. His laughter filled the air with its joy and light as I stood there flustered, trying to shield my sensitive lips from the world. He stepped closer to me; he was so close. I found myself gett
I'm just a girlI'm just a girlWith ruffled hairAnd sore eyesI'm just a girlWho likes to writeAnd can't drawI'm just a girlWith childish fantasiesAnd faded dreamsI'm just a girlWith cold handsAnd a warm heartThat no one can see.